Sometimes I really wonder if the people closest to my heart feel anything close to what i feel for them.

And I really hate myself for not being able to treat the ones who hold me dear better.

Its painful both ways but sometimes trying isn't all that helps.

I'm really really happy today.

This year's birthday is like one of the best I've ever had.
On the day itself I was actually pretty miserable but today really made everything perfect again.

I would like to give a million thanks to my dearest friends and colleagues for all the time, effort and of course the wonderful presents. This year's presents are not juz pleasant like other birthdays but they're really what i wanted and needed and they all came as a real surprise because i never really expect them to hit the jackpot. They weren't presents which you give just for the sake of giving but real thoughts were put in to get the right things.

I would like to thank in particular, yixin, who really spent the most time and effort to get the perfect present which i quite believed i'd prolly nv get, running around singapore and spending all the time just to look for it (becuz its reallyreally hard to find)and having to carry the heavy stuff and queue for donuts. best birthday cake ive ever had! haha! Thanks alot i really really appreciate it and im really touched tho im not really good at expressing it.

It was a real pity that yy was sick tho, it would be alot more complete with her around but still it was great!

Being 20 isn't so bad afterall. :)

Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

We all begin out with good intent
Love is raw and young
We believed that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our backs the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Heaven bent to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step you'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so. no
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Being opinionated is great.
But being opinionated only when matters are already blown over is an act of cowardice.

Being timid is alright.
But being timid when you need to make a stand is an act of cowardice.

Being quiet is perfectly fine.
But being quiet when its time for you to speak up is an act of cowardice.

So. Are you a coward?

Cowards are disgusting.

Everbody's a coward at some point of time.

Therefore everyone is disgusting at some point of time.

But how often are you disgusting?

Kids these days

are getting more and more anal.

Life with others is just like your urinary bladder.

Your bladder is full. Maximum capacity you'd need to start going to pee is prolly 80%. But due to unfavourable conditions or plain disregard we tend to hold it for up to 85%. and that is when we feel that it is unbearable, then we go off to the loo.

I must emphasize that this is very unhealthy. 5% it may be but for that period of time that 5% is accumulating, you must take into consideration that crystallisation is likely to take place. This is how "stones" in ur bladder forms. Despite having your pee all wooshed out, the stones though un-noticed are nevertheless still in there. Soon the stones grow bigger and bigger. Until one day, they're so freaking huge and uncomfortable that u'll have to swear ur way down to the hospital.

Surgery takes place.

All's well after that. but with ur bladder all stitched up and prolly leaking once in awhile.

Say, will there be stones forming again?  Maybe not in the bladder. Maybe next time, it'll be in your kidneys. Or your liver. or probably in your brain. Who knows. Its your own body afterall. Pee fast or de-stone. The choice is yours.

*The above passage is not medically proven. The analysis may very well be inaccurate and nonesensical. No responsibility will be taken by me for any act of stupidity in over-believing.

Life

is

painfully

mundane

.

I need morphine in my blood.

And I seriously need to take a shit.

This year's east west tourny is the most misery-free one.

I've realised my mistake for the past few years. Being too eager not to lose a point, being too eager to take a point. Taking things too hard.

man! this year's e-w i took a relaxed turn on it.  I won my matches for the team event, something which never happened in the past. All i had to do was stay calm and react and voila! Still I didn't think i did exceptionally well, I don't mean any offence to my opponents its just that i feel for someone training for so long like me i shouldn't be fighting a jiho match which my skills are undoubtedly still fluctuating around that level. But of course there's nothing else to blame but my own complacency, afterall I do slack a whole lot. So winning was nice but not all that satisfactory. They said i was straight and proper tho, If they weren't jus being nice I'm glad at least that's an improvement.

Anyway i had a nice, almost quiet team.
I didn't talk much to my team members except for Tiffany, she was friendly. im not really an initiative person these days. Anyway, 3 out of 5 of them were japanese maybe i was being to assumptious but i can't help but feel there'd be communication barriers in some way or another so i kept to myself. I swear i'm not racist! there wasn't much i could think of to talk abt anyway. Our chuken kato is friendly too! He's a teacher. But i felt abit awkward still anyway haha my problem. The jap kid in our team was adorable! half the time he didn't know what to do, but i think my pedophilic nature is wearing off. not so much pumped up when i see them anymore. our fukushou's a high school jap boy. honestly he looks like he's about to go to sleep anywhere to me what with his half-closed eyes and slumped shoulders. but when he fought he fought hard and good. the only thing i said to him was "oh ok, thank you" when he wanted to tie the tag on me. haha! Tiffany kept saying she will lose and she had to rely on us. i think that's nonsense. Seriously, i don't care if my team members lost or won, what matters most is we all had fun. We lost both matches i think but i don't give a damn about that. this was the most nonchalent lost i ever had! I don't know my teammates much, but i will remember them for the good memory.

The long match was up against josh my junior, he took 2 nice men points off me. It didn't felt that bad actually. in fact, even though its wrong to be so, i didnt really feel upset at all! i guess the team matches were such relief to me nothing else matters. haha! anyway the moment the match against him started i could see it in his eyes he wanted to win it much more than i do. They were practically burning as he hopped around with determination. I don't know what i was thinking. I don't know if i was thinking at all in the match. lol. Anyway its really great to see how much our juniors have grown. overtaking us is simply the senior's own lack of self dicipline and the junior's motivation.

The best part of the tournament?. Red bean paste cakes , a happy photo and almost cute looking high school boys with bad hairdos. *winks*